How are you choosing to live your life?
To me, life is meant to be a huge learning experience. Some may argue that your life is lived for God or to grow in success… I can dig that, but I choose to live to learn, fight for causes I believe in, and to do what I can to help others.
In the past few years, my priorities have changed. I genuinely believe that the challenges we encounter in life do in fact change a person… Sometimes for the better, other times, if you aren’t careful, these experiences can drag you down. The trick is, to take the hard times as an opportunity to reflect on your life, yourself and role on this planet.
In 2008, the unexpected loss of my best friend’s life was the catalyst for a life change. For over a year, I lost interest in many things: College, other people (excluding those close to me) and the God that I had been brought up to believe in.
It was very difficult to get over the fact that my damn-near perfect, saint of a friend had been taken from this life in such a shitty way, especially when he had spent so much time and energy developing a closer relationship with God. After graduating with a bachelors degree in a promising career field, he chose to devote his life to bringing those within the disabled community closer to Christ.
He never got that chance. He was hit by a car while crossing the street near our shared apartment… On his way to a Christian campus organization event.
This sort of tragedy crumbles the foundation of your life. A God and worldview that kept you safe feels like a sham… A betrayal. No matter how many “God works in mysterious ways” or “He went to Heaven for reasons beyond our capabilities of understanding” explanations I would hear… It still didn’t make sense.
I held onto my religion for awhile as a safety net, but I had already lost much of my previous faith. At first, it wasn’t a conscious decision. I was just angry. Angry at God for allowing this to happen; angry at the campus organization that lured him into their community and thus, the event he died trying to attend.
I continued to lie to myself and others, pretending to still believe in something that was expected by those around me. I held on to the teensiest bit of faith, because a). I was afraid of going to hell, and b). I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for my fading faith.
Around this time, I had confided in a good friend regarding my faith, sadness, etc. We had similar life experiences and could relate to growing up in Christian, Conservative households in a small town. Abstract thinking was frowned upon and even after attending a few years of college, we had both just been introduced to hardships that made us question everything. We were tired of following arbitrary rules; tired of altering ourselves to please others and conform.
Years later, I am still learning and so is she. We have both found our perfect life partners, who have taught us what it means to live for and with another person. For me, Jerry has opened my eyes to ideas and ways of thinking that were very new to me. He encouraged me to challenge my usual ways of thinking, to research all possible viewpoints, and to CHOOSE what to believe in, as opposed to just following what others tell you and what you’re used to.
Finding your true self is an interesting thing: to transform. I am still the same person I was when it comes to interests, personality, etc. I just see things differently. Instead of focusing on what my given religion and societal norms say, I focus my energy on improving the human experience and the well being of myself and others.
I don’t need to follow a book to tell me how to make proper judgements. The world would be a much better place if the health, happiness and well being of others was prioritized.
Treat others in a kind matter and take care of yourself. Learn. Question everything. Respect other’s opinions and choices. Stand up for what you feel is right. Make informed decisions.
I think the goal is to have passion for your life and everything you do. I want to leave this world knowing that I made a difference in someone’s life, that I improved the world in some small way. I want to do what I love, while also benefiting others (check!)
I want to enjoy life with positive, uplifting people who share the same values and can appreciate each other’s quirks and differences (check!)
I want to soak up every piece of information I can. I want to continuously improve myself. (In progress!)
I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been, because I feel true to myself. I am confident with my life choices and am perfectly content (but not stagnant) with my life. I am proud of who I am… Isn’t that the whole point?
theoftenator 
Dear Oftenator,
You’ve posted a very heartfelt blog entry here. I am very sorry for your loss in your friend. Something so sudden and horrid must is hard to go through and I wish that I had more than nice words to give to you. I’m currently going through a time of hardship dealing with my grandmother’s Alzheimer’s. She’s suffered for five years already, the family has already divided up her stuff among themselves and while she is technically still here, I know that phone could ring at any time…
It might sound sappy but my grandmother was the biggest influence on my life. She taught me just about everything I know. She was also a very spiritual person and would share her faith with me as often as possible. She used to sit me down on the stairs of her home; the stairway faced the front door so if you sat on the steps you faced the door. She had this old wooden door with a big window in it. Sunlight used to spill through the window and light up the whole house and make it all bright and beautiful. My grandma never missed the opportunity to tell me that it was a visual metaphor that God had made the sun rise and shine to remind us of the Son rising and shining. Like the universe was God’s painting and the sun symbolized the Son. She told me a lot about Jesus in front of that door. As a Christian, I would like to answer a question you posed in the sixth paragraph.
We don’t follow God because God will give us a perfect life on Earth. We follow God because God is life. Heaven is not a place where we get Lamborghinis and big houses, Heaven is where we get God. I don’t think that the God worldview is meant to make you feel safe. If it was all those early Christians wouldn’t have been fed to lions. There is today 49 nations where being a Christian is an illegal act and punishable by death, (and in most of them without a trial or even an arrest.) Of course, Christ himself was crucified, murdered by Romans, sentenced to death by a middle class Roman citizen. We’ve been suffering and dying for 2 thousand years. Having God in your life is not a guarantee of comfort and happiness on earth. The world still has its pain. The world is broken and very dangerous. There’s a lot of darkness in the world, but the point of Christianity is to be focused on the Son. If you believe the Son rose over death, you’re given the free gift of rising over it too.
You said that your friend had a “promising life” in his college graduation but there is no promise of happiness in life. The founding fathers modeled the “pursuit of happiness” after the Biblical pursuit of righteousness. No guarantees of happiness though. The most promising thing he did was to actively pursue his relationship with Christ. That’s the part of his life that still holds value even though his degree no longer does. What I just told you was that if your friend’s beliefs are true then he is alive in Heaven.
That’s kind of the point that I wanted to make. My motivation to write to you was not out of judgment. I just wanted to share the joy of knowing that the sun has risen in your life, and you can have your last night. And live in a new day. Because that’s the point. Jesus said faith is like a seed. Seeds get buried in the darkness, but if they start growing towards the sun they get life. It’s another one of God’s paintings. I don’t believe that Christianity or God has a problem with your asking questions, or your growing as an individual. In fact the Bible encourages both of those. (“Look for wisdom like silver. Search for it like hidden treasure.” Proverbs 2:4 “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2) But I would encourage you to stay focused on the Son as you do it. And everything else you say is true too, I do use my faith to “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.” Psalms 82:3
I’m not really the best Christian, even with all of my grandma’s hard work I chose to leave Christianity behind in college. Not all at once, but gradually. I didn’t go to church or read the Bible or pray for like 6 years. I’ve only been back at it for the last two years. You probably assumed I’m Ned Flanders but I assure you I am far from it. But I just want to say real quick that you’re right about not following what others tell you and you’re brought up with. But that doesn’t mean that your parent’s (or grandma’s) belief was wrong, it just means there’s a point where you have to say that this is my belief now. I’m not doing this because they did it first and brought me up this way, I’m doing it because it’s my life and my faith and my choice and I believe it.
My name is Danny. Months ago you left a link to your blog on the nomusclesnolimits forum. Why I checked it out tonight, I don’t know. But I just felt really moved by your post here. I read this post and all the ones above it, I just stopped here because with my last two years and my grandma’s condition this one really hit home. The forum is back online – it was off for a bit. I hope we can talk some more. (I’m not always churchy) I will probably never ever wander back to your blog again. If I never see you again, have a nice life, I hope it goes very well.